Relationships 101

Lets talk about Relationships...notes from a seminar

How's your heart?

• Moldable heart- youre teachable and want to learn from the word
• Broken heart- you've been hurt and are cynical about relationships
• Hard heart- you have the walls up
• Idolatrous heart- you get too excited about relationships and think they will solve your problems Despairing heart- you think youre life is unredeemable, that you're undateable

The answer to every one of these hearts is the Gospel of Jesus.

2 key perspectives for you coming into this...

1. The worlds way of doing relationships is broken- Proverbs 14:12
2. Our God is both good and wise.

In the end, relationships are a lordship issue. Are you submitted?

(This is important because who you choose to spend your life with is the biggest decision that you will make after choosing Christ. It is all about His glory. So seeking Him in this process is crucial.)

Marriage: the End in Mind
Ephesians 5:22-33

• You will never be content in marriage if you are not content in being single. The issue is with your heart towards Jesus

Why talk about marriage?

• You need to know what marriage is so you can know what dating is not.
• We bring in stuff that belongs in marriage into dating, and not just sex.
• If you have a bad marriage, it can make your life suck.
• It needs to be used for what God intends for it to.
• The worlds view of marriage is broken and warped.

What is marriage?

1. An Institution created by God- He knows how to do it best
2. It is primarily a covenant and commitment- there is a legality to it, a promise to uphold it

What are some of the implications of marriage being a covenant?

1. Not a declaration of present love, but a promise of future love. On down the road when things aren't the same, I will still love you.
1. I will be there and I will be there for you
2. Unconditional promise
3. It's not dependent on the other party fulfilling the agreement
4. It's a public declaration, before God, the government, our friends to be a corporate obligation to each other. (Bridesmaids and groomsmen are to hold you accountable in your marriage to uphold it.)
1. We think marriage is all about us, but we have to get others involved in it.

What is the purpose of marriage?
Ephesians 5:22-

1. To reflect and proclaim the Gospel of Jesus to the world
1. Biblical love in marriage is unconditional love to an undeservable person
2. It is how we show love to the world.
3. It reflects the goodness if God and Jesus and who He is
4. As a couple, we take the Gospel tithe world.
2. Grow in Christ-likeness
1. sanctification come by bumping against one another
3. To experience Oneness
1. Yes it implies sex, but also connected to one another in a spiritual way. Emotionally. You will know all the bad parts of each other and be ok as being connected.
2. You are secure with one another because you are committed each other.
3. Covenant brings freedom, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
4. this is why people who are in relationships that you know you shouldn't be in have such a hard time getting out of them.
5. Especially with prayer being so intimate, that is for the connection if commitment in marriage.
4. To have sex and make babies. A lot of sex.
1. It's a great thing...in the right context.
2. Covenant cement.
3. Psalm of Solomon.

What are the results of marriage?

• God is honored when the union represents Him.
• He is glorified when we are satisfied in Him.
• He sanctifies us through marriage.

Pitfalls to Cultural Dating

• The key factor in having a good an Godly marriage is who you choose to marry.

Hidden dangers and observations...

Something is broken

1. We are primarily appearance driven.
1. We do see and appreciate beauty because we were created to by God.
2. But there is a major flaw- this world is broken and beauty fades.
3. If we ignore true beauty and only initiate to physical beauty, we are probably in sin.
2. We are primarily feelings based.
1. The reason we get into, and out of, a relationship is how they "make me feel"
2. Feelings aren't bad, but they go up and down.
3. Something much more foundational must exist.
4. Intimacy must be there
3. We create false environments.
1. We try to hide all our flaws and impression manage by dressing up or acting interested in anything.
2. This prevents us from really getting to know someone.
3. People get to know someone for real after a few years and then bail out.
4. We play games.
1. We talk to lots of people at once and try to make them jealous.
5. We exclude healthy relationships
1. You spend all your time with the new beau and throw up defenses when people ask questions.

We play at oneness with mini marriages and mini divorces.
We flirt with oneness and get hurt.
We carry these patterns into marriage.

We have to date well so we can marry well.

Romans 12:1-2
What will empower a heart that will love unconditionally?


Looking at the cross and submitting yourself to Christ and reject what the world says. 
Being transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then we can test and approve what Gods will is.



Dating & Relationships

Biblical Principles & Applications

1. Jesus is Lord over your dating life

• Luke 9:23-24
• Have an "open hand" with dating and marriage
• when women are controlling and manipulating.
• We struggle with believing we are supposed to be at the right place at the right time to find someone
• ONLY date a growing believer
• dating leads to marriage. Duh.
• Are they Dateable? What do I look for ?
• Godliness
• they spend time with God
• if they are others centered
• friendship- easy to be around
• giving their life away
• whatever you want
• Pray for God to bring you a Godly spouse. He will transform our hearts.

2. Find your contentment in Jesus, not another person

• Jeremiah 2:13
• don't go into dating looking to get your needs met
• if can't remember a decent amount of time where you weren't with someone then probably don't need to date for a while
• become the person you want to marry

3. Date in the context of the Body of Christ

• Hebrews 3:12-13; Proverbs 15:22
• have 1 to 3 people you 100% vulnerable with and accountable to
• see counsel from Godly people who are older and wiser than you

4. Pursue Absolute Purity

• Ephesians 5:3; 1 Timothy 5:1-2
• do with each other what you would do with a sister or brother
• have not even a hint of sexual immorality
• I should check my heart that I am submissive to this because I love Jesus and want to obey Him rather than bc I feel like I am unattractive and undesirable anyway
• don't out yourselves in tempting situations
• making out is the on ramp to sex. We are not geared to stop it out it in reverse.
• remember that the closer you get emotionally and spiritually, the closer you will want to get physically and sexually
• sharing what you are learning, even in a spiritual level is natural in any relationship, but be mindful of the motives of and for intimacy

5. Look to others best interests

• Philippians 2:3-4
• you want to be motivated by how to move them towards Jesus.
• how much TIME you spend with a person
• what and how much you COMMUNICATE to a person
• what you WEAR around another person
• good filter for you... Ask "Will this push them toward me (sin) or towards Jesus?"

If you can't lead yourself spiritually, you have no business dating anybody seriously.

Some Phases

1. Cultivate friendships with people of the opposite sex.
2. Test crushes. By getting to know other people and giving it time.
3. Date them all and date them often.
1. Men you need to initiate direction when a girl starts rising to the top.
2. Women, you cannot initiate. You can't settle for a passive man.

Jesus Christ is for you. He has created marriage for His kingdom. He knows we are broken and deserve death He is offering you a new record.