Tuesday, March 27, 2012

 My little space. I love it so much. I love all the details, my books, my photos, my colors, my hearts, my jewelry, my flowers, everything is significant :)

 

So fun!
   

I'll fly away oh glory

Our new stairway!!! It's for the birds :)

Sunday, March 25, 2012

how do I share the gospel with you

Dear Sister-Friend, 


Your'e in my life and I love you with all my heart. You know that. I tell you often. But you will never let me into your heart and share with me what you are learning. We have grown up together and I know you have all the right sunday school answers. I am concerned that there are little to no fruit in your life. How do I ask you if you are really a believer? How do I ask you if you are resting in your own self and works instead of resting in the righteousness of Christ and His work on the cross for your salvation? It seems that you are frequently leaning on your service of others for security rather than the security of Christ that nothing can ever remove you from his hands and nothing you can ever do can make Him love you an more or any less. But our relationship is so highly emotional, how do I bring this up again when you constantly shut me out and refuse to have conversations of any even remote depth with me? Unfortunately, I have become resentful at every conversation we have because it seems it is always so trivial when I just want to know if or how Jesus is working in your heart that we may connect as true sisters and enjoy Jesus all the more together. I care about the details of your life, but less than I care about that you love Jesus above everything else ever. 


Ultimately, time is on my side. and you will probably live for another 60 years and you have this time for the Lord to change your heart. He has made many promises in the bible that took 50, 100, or 1000s of years to come to fruition. So I will keep trying to have intentional conversations with you and loving you as much as I can. My prayer will ever be that the Lord will give you ears to hear and a heart that is changed to flesh as He pursues you and draws you into Himself. I pray that I can help play a part in you hearing the truth of the gospel, but really its not up to me and I am trusting that He will do His good work in you and you will finally feel free to tell me all about it. 


Praise the Lord for His good works in us. 


Twas Grace that taught my heart to fear, and Grace my fears relieved. 

Friday, March 23, 2012

on a similar note...

My favorite character in the whole book, and movie, is Caesar Flickerman. He is Amazing. His role to encourage the tributes and really does care for them. He helps out so much. And his role in narrating the games in the film was superb.


Also...

I LOVE PEETA MELLARK.









I just really love him.

Happy Hunger Games

Well everyone is talking about it...and so am I. I mean, I wasn't a communication major for nothing. And apart from how amazing the story is, the media surrounding it and the tactics employed over the last year have been superb in reeling in the necessary fan base. It has been, as expected, wildly successful.

You must live under a rock to not know that I am of course talking about The HUNGER GAMES!!

The soundtrack was released in tuesday and it is literally incredible. I love every song. Especially 'Rules' which reviewers even called the weakest song on the disc. The songs are dark enough, but hopeful, just like the story. They were written with such intent as to really capture the emotions of different characters to connect listeners to them. AAHH it has just been done so well. Another fav is the last track, Just a Game by Birdy, powerful voice with stunning words of reality and a perfect finish to prepare us for Catching Fire.

I of course went to the midnight premiere with my girlfriends. We got there like 2 hours early to get good seats and paint our nails. It was so fun dressing up like the capitol, but with a fun Katniss braid and Mockingjay-esk dress (from book 2). Although I do wish that the row of 18 year olds behind us hadnt been acting like 8 year olds, but they calmed down enough. Why is it that you can always tell who the people who are definitely still in high school are??

I am pleased with the movie. Only complaint is obviously that they left out stuff. Some I can agree with more than other parts, characters, or elements that got left behind, but then again its runtime was only 2hrs26min. I, of course, would have been more satisfied with a rated R 8 hr film to linger on the greatness of the plot. But thats showbiz, folks!
I certainly loved that parts that gave more depth and dimension to whats happening at the headquarters of the arena. Im comforted and thankful that Ms. Collins co-wrote the screen play. This assures me that with her approval, this just captures the essence of the story in an abridged, easy to swallow version.

Overall...freaking loved it. So glad that I am going again tonight to see it. (funfact: in 2008, I experience my first mega cinema in a twice in 24hrs fashion with the Dark Knight. I totally dressed up as poison ivy for that one. Still on of my favs). Tonight I will also be debuing my first made from scratch dress. So excited.

P.S. #goalupdate... I finished my dress

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

My Father's Daughter

In sunday school we are discussing the legacy of biblical womanhood and its dire importance. This week we covered what being a daughter means. We were asked to share what emotions were sparked within us upon hearing what the word 'daughter'. It can be a powerful trigger word and can very easily trigger an array of feelings from disappointment, longing, love, appreciation, obligation, responsibility, guilt, worry, excitement, fulfillment...

For me, now it brings me security.

I think its used to remind me of my insecurity. But I didnt realize that years ago before the Lord gave me peace and some healing in order to allow me to see my security rests in Him alone.

But since I lost my dad, I think that hearing the word daughter just reminded me that I used to be a the oldest daughter of a sweet Daddy. Its painfully lonely now just thinking through what this means.

A few years ago, I began really dealing with the loss of my Dad. Ouch.

As I was learning that as a woman, I am innately dependent on a man, I became aware that in my crucial teenage years, I lost out on a lot of security that a father is supposed to give his daughter. The mere presence of a man makes most women feel better, that somehow if her surroundings betrayed her, the man would be the warrior that he was designed to be and rescue her. I think that these are basic instincts.

And so as I began processing this whole security thing, which is way more than one blog post, I began to see where I truly suffered after my dad died that beautiful day on that stupid motorcycle. I missed his guidance, his telling me that I am worth love, and him leading me spiritually. Of course, I got this from my mom, pastor, and family. But to hear these things from a man, from your Daddy makes you feel built up like no other. None can compare with the relationship between a Daddy and his Daughter.

So now I think that the word 'daughter' reminds me of just how secure I am in Christ because He made it possible for me to get to the Father who has been watching me and pursuing me since before I was born, since before my dad was gone and He would have to really show me how to be dependent on Him alone.

I look for security in lots of things, but they rarely give me the satisfaction that I long for and its always fleeting. But by grace, I have been given new life, adopted by the Father King and nothing can snatch me from His hands.

As I realize that all the moments of suffering, from severe to tolerable to seemingly none at all, my sweet Jesus has been providing for me and giving my His security along the way.

The difference in joy and happiness is that there is still joy in suffering.


Monday, March 19, 2012

Springtiiiiimmmmeeeeee

Its finally spring and I can really break out the florals!

With such amazing weather, who can resist skirts, sundress, sandals, and vitamin D!

I am thankful for the newness of life that the spring brings, even if there are haunting memories from years past so that some anxiety dwells within me as I smell the pollen and honeysuckles in the warm air.

I am grateful for my new life.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

JUST LET ME FEEL MY FEELINGS OK

I have been in THE weirdest mood all day. Lots of fluctuating feelings. WTF?

Everything just made me mad. I had a fantastic morning, and great day. And then the afternoon came.

Maybe it was hormones. This would make sense since it is shark week. But holy cow. I was greatly aggravated, by the wind blowing the blinds, the way I was sitting, the smell in the apt, the book I'm studying, the non-solitude in the room, the sleepiness in my eyes, the hunger in my middle, the money I don't have, the job I do have, the food in the fridge, the crafts I hadn't made yet...such unnecessary aggravators, but aggravators none the less. Whatever, today I was happily the typical moody female.

Just call me EVE, trying desperately to control my surroundings only to find that I cannot because they, and I, belong to God anyway and I needed to stop distrusting Him and loving Him instead....

Today I have relished in the freedom that I can just feel whatever emotions that I want to feel and just deal with them. Emotions are real. All of them. So why do we, especially as christians, always feel guilty for feeling negative emotions like anger, sadness, frustration, loneliness, disappointment, aggravation, or skepticism.
I am currently exploring the reality that though all these may not be holy, they do all exist under God and He is not particularly surprised when we experience emotions. True, we shouldn't take the consequences of feeling angry out on others and this could lead to a need for repentance if sin occurs, but it is perfectly normal to have a day where you just feel crabby.

A reality I realized today is that, these emotions passed through Jesus to get to me. And now I have them, and surely He knows how to deal with them.

It is a lie from the evil one that I should feel condemned for my negative emotions. When, in fact, I am often wearing myself out by trying to suppress my unwanted feelings. Yes this makes sense. A lot more sense than me feeling like I want to simultaneously pick a street fight, craft beautiful things with my hands, scream at the top of my lungs, and have an intense romcom cryfest anyway...

I enjoy being such a feeler (ESFJ) that even though I base my decisions on how I feel about something, I can also sit in an array of emotions and enjoy them all.

The End.

Not really, I'll have so many more emotions oh so soon....

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

the beauty of friendship...grace

Im so thankful for friends in my life. Like there are some women whom I appreciate so much and who are impacting my life to such a degree that I dont think I can accurately tell them how much I truly love them without it becoming a little weird. But then again, they are so great that I think they can take my emotional vomit of how much I loooove and appreciate their friendship.

Even when I am totally slangry for no reason (sleepy and angry), they just love me anyway, even if this form of love comes in the form of annoying the crap out of me.

I am always grateful for the relationships in my life that have taught me how to trust and depend on honest, open, and vulnerable friendship.

These women are in my dgroup, lead my dgroup, live with me, party with me, grew up with me, go to church with me, do my hair, cook me dinner, and give me roses. I love them with all the love that Jesus has given me :)

P.S. #goalupdate... I have finished my dresssss!!!!!! Also made a valance for my friend's house and hemmed his curtains. I am so domestic these days.
I shall add these skills to my dowery, since I dont have any goats or property...

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Who is God...


Who is this God that has promised us this irresistible  covenant of promises? He guarantees  that He will hold fast to His promises.. why should we feel all confidences in trusting Him...

Because His word validates Him time and time again...through His people, He proves Himself loving, just, caring, forthcoming, and worthy of all praise.

‎- In Genesis, He is the Creator God.
- In Exodus, He is the Redeemer. 
- In Leviticus, He is your sanctification. 
- In Numbers, He is your guide. 
- In Deuteronomy, He is your teacher. 
- In Joshua, He is the mighty conqueror. 
- In Judges, He gives victory over enemies. 
- In Ruth, He is your kinsman, your lover, your redeemer. 
- In I Samuel, He is the root of Jesse. 
- In 2 Samuel, He is the Son of David. 
- In 1 Kings and 2 Kings, He is King of Kings and Lord of Lords. 
- In 1st and 2nd Chronicles, He is your intercessor and High Priest. 
- In Ezra, He is your temple, your house of worship. 
- In Nehemiah, He is your mighty wall, protecting you from your enemies. 
- In Esther, He stands in the gap to deliver you from your enemies. 
- In Job, He is the arbitrator who not only understands your struggles, but has the power to do something about them. 
- In Psalms, He is your song–and your reason to sing. 
- In Proverbs, He is your wisdom, helping you make sense of life and live it successfully. 
- In Ecclesiastes, He is your purpose, delivering you from vanity.. 
- In the Song of Solomon, He is your lover, your Rose of Sharon. 
- In Isaiah, He is the mighty counselor, the prince of peace, the everlasting father, and more. He’s everything you need. 
- In Jeremiah, He is your balm of Gilead, the soothing salve for your sin-sick soul. - In Lamentations, He is the ever-faithful one upon whom you can depend. 
- In Ezekiel, He is your wheel in the middle of a wheel–the one who assures that dry, dead bones will come alive again. 
- In Daniel, He is the ancient of days, the ever- lasting God who never runs out of time. 
- In Hosea, He is your faithful lover, always beckoning you to come back–even when you have abandoned Him. 
- In Joel, He is your refuge, keeping you safe in times of trouble. 
- In Amos, He is the husbandman, the one you can depend on to stay by your side. - In Obadiah, He is Lord of the Kingdom. 
- In Jonah, He is your salvation, bringing you back within His will. 
- In Micah, He is judge of the nation. 
- In Nahum, He is the jealous God. 
- In Habakkuk, He is the Holy One. 
- In Zephaniah, He is the witness. 
- In Haggai, He overthrows the enemies. 
- In Zechariah, He is Lord of Hosts. 
- In Malachi, He is the messenger of the covenant. 

In the New Testament: 
- In Matthew, He is king of the Jews. 
- In Mark, He is the servant. 
- In Luke, He is the Son of Man, feeling what you feel. 
- In John, He is the Son of God. 
- In Acts, He is Savior of the world. 
- In Romans, He is the righteousness of God. 
- In I Corinthians, He is the rock that followed Israel. 
- In II Corinthians, He the triumphant one, giving victory. 
- In Galatians, He is your liberty; He sets you free. 
- In Ephesians, He is head of the Church. 
- In Philippians, He is your joy. 
- In Colossians, He is your completeness. 
- In I Thessalonians, He is your hope. 
- In II Thessalonians, He is your glory. 
- In I Timothy, He is your faith. 
- In II Timothy, He is your stability. 
- In Titus He is your reason for serving. 
- In Philemon, He is your benefactor. 
- In Hebrews, He is your perfection. 
- In James, He is the power behind your faith. 
- In I Peter, He is your example. 
- In II Peter, He is your purity. 
- In I John, He is your life. 
- In II John, He is your pattern. 
- In III John, He is your motivation. 
- In Jude, He is the foundation of your faith. 
- In Revelation, He is your coming King.

If your Father were all of these things and could literally promise you the world in the form in eternal life...what would be holding you back in trusting Him with your life?

Monday, March 5, 2012

Conversion

so yeah, since the Lord decided to have me as His from, you know, the moment He created...the world!, He has been planning to pursue me my whole life. I was dead. But now I am alive. When did I become a believer? I have pondered this myself for a few years.

 Because frankly, since I have been learning about who the Lord is, I have been discovering more things about Him, the depths of His love for me, the gravity of His sacrifice to have me, and the enormity of the cross and the grace that it sheds on me daily. And I selfishly, oh so selfishly, think that since I have grown up in the church that I should know pretty much everything. As soon as I got to college and I continued doing the churchy things, I was graciously exposed to much teaching about the Lord and what it means to be a christian. To be a believer.
I mean, I wanted to be offended that I didnt know some things already, like the beauty of sanctification and the peace in His sovereignty, but the Lord softened my heart event to that. I have been growing in my walk with Him since I began living my life for Him and His glory rather than for my own glory in the eyes of my 'super spiritual friends' back home. Even they betrayed me. But humans will because of our sin. Thats ok. Expected even.

So what does all this mean? Why am I awake thinking about my beautiful, glorious, privileged conversion after reading the hunger games trilogy all day, because that story enough is certainly wild enough to have my mind going for days in vapid imagination...

Its the fact that I have come to the remarkable conclusion that He has been pursing me my whole life.
There are glorious examples of how the Lord has tended to my care that I know Him since I breathed my first breath, no since I was in the womb. I was His and He had to have me. Nothing can take me from His hands. And being around His grace kept me searching for it immensely. Once He exposed me to it fully to bring me into Himself, it was an irritable force that was the beauty of the Cross, and attractiveness of the Holy Spirit that drew me in and held me close as He breathed life into me. Supernatural life. Life that I didnt ask for or couldnt get for myself even if I knew life existed to try for.

I was totally dead in my sin and He came to save me from my sin and show me how to live, truly show my how to live with joy and abundantly. He is showing me how to continue to repent of my sin, believe in Christ forgiveness, and fight against my evil sin patterns in an effort to glorify Him more.

This is truly a mystery. I will never understand it. I will never earn it or remotely deserve it. Its so wild that this kind of life exists at the height of a dramatic rescue into the Kingdom.

Let us continue to embrace this by resting in His covenantal promise. Let us spend every day pouring out our live to others to alleviate pain and brokenness that we all feel over sin. The Body of Christ driven by the Holy Spirit works together marvelously to mend our hearts and point us to the truth of the gospel. How important are we?

This is for Heather :)

Thursday, March 1, 2012

oh la la, its march y'all

What have I done this week? Been totally productive, thats what. Im really taking this learning to sew thing seriously and Im pretty pumped about it. I found some pretty fabric in the salvation army last week, and some awesome fabric in a craft store. These paired with my craving to be useful and nearly idle hands, and a pattern for direction of course, and I have a plan for my own clothing!! They truly are going to be my own style and Im thrilled to be making stuff with my own hands.

this pattern:



















make these cut outs:















That will soon resemble a dress. 

The pleats on this thing are wild. None symmetrical. But thats my favorite part. I have finished the skirt part, complete with pockets. I just have to figure how to get the waistband securing the bodice to the skirt. Should I finish it in time, I shall debut it to my date to the premiere of the Hunger Games! Whatup!

P.S. #goalupdate... I have read the Hunger Games twice now and will be finally starting on the sequel tomorrow. I have made skirts, and am making this dress. I hemmed all of JLo's curtains. I have been reading Legacy of Biblical Womanhood and really growing in my understanding of covenant calling. And I had a hard conversation with one of my target girls. This has been a prroductive weeeek!