im sorry...what?

I guess I just use to think I was going somewhere. No destination set. But sure I was going. Anywhere really. But definitely headed somewhere. Now I just don't know. I can't figure out what I am waiting for.... I tell myself that it's Jesus, but I am acting like it is something or someone else that I am waiting on. I am trying to work for something. But my heart knows that I could never work enough. That is what the gospel tells me. Thats why I trust in Jesus. ok. got it. I have got to figure out what this is, though, and how to give it up. But I'm just feeling so directionless in this moment. Why dont I love grad school like I thought I would? Should I be in seminary? Should I revisit that...and all that correspondance form 1 and a half years ago? What am I thinking? Even though I know in my heart what my purpose is. How stupid is this... I have never felt more like Paul in Romans 7 than now. Where am I going and how the hell am I going to get there if Im as clueless as now. What am I hoping in? What is my Jesus plus? Is this my hormones? Is this a phase? How do I follow no one to nowhere. I am way too annoyed by all this...